'How many of you would like to have a lady boss? Raise your hands'
Less than ten hands were raised, uncertainly, in my MBA class and I instantly felt ashamed. Because I had not raised my arm. Neither had anyone from my bench.
My strategy professor then pointed out the obvious. None of the raised arms were of women, and in a class of 160 students only 10 were enthusiastic about working with a woman.
I don't remember the discussion, the reason as to why it had come to the point where he needed to ask this question and demonstrate it so absolutely to us. But I remember that result. It was truthful - as truthful as people can get, from unsuspecting students about to leap into the corporate world, replying to their admired professor under the cloak of mass-anonymity - they didn't lie. Perhaps some did - the real number of hands might have been much lesser.
I have been working for years now, inching towards a decade. I have not yet worked with a lady and my women friends who have, are not too happy. Some of my male friends did not care much while one was happy enough - as happy as one can be with a boss.
When applying for a new job, it is not unusual for a woman to be questioned about her plans in personal life. And I mean in the way it is not usually questioned of men. It is not a general chit chat about life and where you see yourself five years from now. I mean personal questions like when do you plan to get married, do you plan to have a baby in the near future (if yes, when) and so on. It grates. Yet, on another level its valid. To an interviewer it does not guarantee a truthful answer but it does strengthen their position.
Nobody wants to hire someone who is about to quit within a year of joining work. Yet, so many women I know have done that (for above mentioned reasons). There are very valid reasons for them having done it. However, the fact is, they have quit citing reasons like having to move to the city where the to-be husband or fiancee resides and works.- reasons peculiar more to women, than men. When joining work the woman probably never thought that she will trade her career for family life, yet that's what she is doing in less than a year. However as far as the interviewer is concerned, s/he was duped. Humanitarian reasons be darned, that boss just spent company time and money on training a person who upped and quit.
The same thing happens for maternity leaves. And for leaving office by 6pm sharp. And, lets face it, for being difficult to deal with on certain days of the month. The reasons are many, extraneous, and if you want to, one can call it Force Majure. Having a baby or leaving for home to be in time to cook dinner and attend to in-laws and so on are not willful pre-decided decisions made to harm the company. They are the balancing act that women live through on a daily basis. The company, however, doesn't see it that way. Be it men, or women. To them, one of their 'resources' is MIA (missing in action).
What am I coming to? Well, in work life and personal life, women face a lot of choices, a lot of prioritisation requirements and because of all this a lot of 'unfairness'. Unfairness percolated to them due to behaviour of their predecessors. And unjust as it may be, it is an undeniable fact that women continue to hold the same decisions against other women.
When a male boss mentions how work is more important than a mother in law to him as a boss, a woman who has experienced the same might be expected to be a little lenient. However, that is where the 'club membership' (so to speak) falters.
You see, men form a club. They talk to each other, bosses and their reportees about how awful it is that they have to take care of the repairs at home. They gripe about how they need to be rich to get married and hence need a promotion. They talk about 'If I don't have a car how can I expect to have a meaningful position in society?'. And their male bosses agree. So they get the day off to tend to that carpenter, they get a raise so that the car can be bought and they get a promotion so they can suitably impress the girl. Meanwhile the reportee works till midnight if need be, and says 'yes sir!' to the boss. The 'club' is formed. Discussions about buying jewelery for the wife/ girlfriend and the right car will ensue over coffee.
It does not work that way with women. The woman boss will not talk about all this with her repportees and neither do the men divulge this to her - they know it wont work. And then with other women, somehow the expectation bar is set higher. The club is formed very rarely, if at all. Talk about impending marriage? The boss will worry about whether you are planning to leave town. Talk about planning a baby - she will think about getting a replacement in your stead. Talk about an irate mother-in-law, and she will think - Ive managed it, high time you grew up!
Men are not going to change, and neither are women. Yet, an office is like another social network. Perhaps the woes women feel need to be shared and empathised with. Perhaps the questions that women face, are due to this.
Most men will not understand the problems of balancing family and work - they will understand there is a problem but very rarely do they face it. Women do not empathise. Perhaps if a woman empathises, her reportee will also reciprocate. When that happens, slowly the system changes. The team becomes stronger and slowly it does not become imperative to ask whether one is getting married (and therefore quitting or moving) but important to ask whether they are willing to give substantial notice and shoulder responsibility to pass on the baton to the next person before moving, if at all.
So does this mean that the onus lies only on women bosses? No. Because there are pitifully few of them around for this generation. The men too have to understand and appreciate - and that can come from committed women workers. From women willing to say - I have to leave for home dot on time, but I'm willing to work through lunch hour to finish the work. From women willing to say I am getting moving town, but I will pass on all my knowledge to the next person and I am willing to work till then. From women, who have to be truthful about how long a maternity leave they plan to take, and not take a 3 month leave, extend it to 6 months and eventually quit, leaving the company in the lurch. Not all women do this, but enough do so that the system does not trust anyone.
I hope the system will soften. I hope some of the women become more serious about the repercussions of their actions. But most of all, I hope sometime in the future, there is equality in the work place and there is no need for 'clubs' to further ones cause - small or big.